Last night I wanted to be back in the United States because you were all being treated to one of the most eagerly awaited television shows in modern history. I’m talking, of course, about 24 - Redemption, the further adventures of Jack Bauer, CTU’s (beep beep eeoooh) shouting whisperer, whose cell phone...

It has you doing the strangest things at 4 am. I won’t go into detail, but in the wee small hours of this morning, me and the toilet were joined at the bottom. After making my deposit and knowing that sleep would avoid me, I ventured downstairs and turned on the TV. In the US [...]

Just once………………just one time………………I would like to be able to sit here and tell you that my flight went well……………that I sat next to a normal person…………….or even that I sat...

If American Airlines was the snake in the garden of Eden, Eve would have paid for her own apple………………………..bloody hell……………$2 for a pair of headphones to watch a movie that has been cut so much as not to offend children...

I have never been much of a fan of parties. Maybe this comes from the fact that I was hardly ever invited to one and when I was…………….no bugger spoke to me. I would arrive at the party with dreams of meeting a girl ……………any girl…………...

I love food………………I really do. Last night I ate at what some would describe as a “fancy restaurant” and I will explain the point to all this in a moment…………………. But first let me tell you what was on the menu. I started with...

Birthdays are crap. Mine no longer tend to herald exciting parties and the greedy shredding of wrapping paper. They are now just mileposts that point the way toward the inexorable arrival of old age and incontinence. Because I’m an increasingly maudlin fellow, I tend to treat other people’s...

Monopoly has no end. The rules explain how you can unmortgage a property and when you should build hotels on Madison Avenue but they don’t say, and they should, that the winner is the last player left alive. And what about Risk? You make a calculation, based on the law of averages, that you can take...

I remember the first time I went to see a basketball game. I was 25 years old and went with the cruise director of the Carnival Fantasy, Gary Hunter, and entertainer Tim Harkleroad. We drove from Miami where the ship was spending 10 days before her inaugural cruise……………...

With everything that has been happening, I haven’t had time to tell you about the huge success of our “Fun Ship” Halloween parties. The guests took part with great vigor and reports are telling me that some of the costumes were outrageous ………………………...